From Nerve.com magazine columnists "Em & Lo" column article for May 18, 2001
Dear Em & Lo,
I have never given a blowjob. I have taken it into my mouth before but never
seem to be able to finish the job. The taste bothers me but not as much as the
thought of him watching me, my head bobbing up and down, or having to deal with
the whole spit or swallow thing. Plus, I love having lots of intercourse and
would rather do just that. I know he likes blowjobs, but he knows I have a hard
time with it and so he doesn't pressure me. I really love this man and want
to make him as happy as I can. What should I do about this?
Signed,
Blowhard
Dear B.H.,
The BJ is a frequent victim
of analysis paralysis. While there are certainly many ways to give a great blowjob,
there are very few ways to give a bad one (unless, of course, you literally
blow on it or start grinding your teeth mid-sesh). The key here is confidence.
It's like the Little Engine Who Could: if you think you can give great
head, then you probably can.
First of all, don't even worry about how you look down there — with your mouth
on his dick, you're the most beautiful woman in the world (even if you
think you look like a spastic jackhammer). Second, communicate (the Em and Lo
answer to everything). Ask him to tell you what he likes and what he doesn't
like — before, during and after. Once you've got those bases covered, you can
focus on the nitty gritty, as follows:
1. Initiate. You're already "a head" of the game if you make the first
move. Don't always wait for him to ask, or worse, try to push your head down
there. (In fact, if he does that, slap his hand away and firmly inform him your
ears are not a steering wheel.)
2. Start slowly. Don't act like you've been starving on a desert island
for weeks and a big juicy sausage suddenly washes ashore. (Did you catch that
scene in Cast Away?) Lick the glans (head), lick the frenulum (the strip
of skin beneath the glans on the underside), lick the testes (balls), lick the
inner thighs (inner thighs). Take your time, breathe and be a tease.
4. Your kisser. Some people prefer lips tight over the teeth, others
like lips looser and softer against the shaft. Either way, no need to become
a high-powered vacuum cleaner. Your sucking function should be on "off," "low"
or "medium." And don't forget to make the most of your tongue!
3. Saliva. And lots of it. Don't be afraid to get wet and messy — it's
more fun for everyone that way, not to mention easier. [Bear
says: eiiiwwww. Slippery is good, sloppy is not. Unless you make it part of
the fun ]
4. Hands. It's not cheating to give yourself a helping hand or two. There's
no need to deep throat all the time — if at all — if you use your hand as an
extension of your mouth. If you want to get tricky, follow the motion of your
mouth with your hand upwards and when you get to the top, slide your index finger
over one side and then go back down (so his ding-dong is between your index
and middle fingers) with your mouth immediately following. Repeat as necessary.
For even more advanced play, try twisting both your hand and head as you go
up and down — we're not talking Indian burns here, just a gentle shifting from
left to right on the way down, and then back again on the way up.
5. Bonuses. During the BJ, try tickling his balls, gently pushing on
the perineum (the area between the balls and the anus, a.k.a. the "taint"),
inserting a finger — sans long fingernail — up his bum a bit, or even rubbing
his tummy. We think you'll get real bonus points if you can occasionally make
eye contact (although, according to one editor here, "that's creepy!"). So just
go with the flow.
6. Step on the gas. Gradually speed up until you've reached a comfortable
rhythm that both you and he like. At this point, it's okay to treat him like
that desert island sausage. When all verbal and physical signs from him suggest
that the cliff's edge is fast approaching, don't slow down and don't make any
drastic changes in motion. Keep going, you're doing great, and soon you'll get
to . . .
7. The Big O. The grand finale is completely up to you. Whether you spit,
swallow or finish him off with your hand, it's still a blow job. If you opt
for a re-enactment of Old Faithful, just be sure to have him warn you just before
he's gonna blow. In fact, even if you plan on getting a protein blast, it's
still nice to know when it's about to be served.
8. Stop. Once he comes, slow it down and/or stop — in our experience,
it hurts if you don't (though some readers have said that post-O play is the
best part).
Above all else, do it with love. Giving him pleasure will give you pleasure.
And knowing you're getting pleasure will give him even more pleasure.
And then everyone will be pleased. Now, go blow him away!
Orally fixated,
Em & Lo